When we feel afraid, anxious, overwhelmed or out of control, the natural tendency is to exert more control. The thinking behind this makes sense; if I feel out of control, and I become more controlling, then, I should feel back in control, right? In theory, this makes perfect sense. In reality, this is the Control Paradox.
Here's an example:
I crack an egg in my hand, and I want to hold the raw egg. It is gooey, and runny, and wobbly. It feels slippery, as though it could easily fall out of my hand. My natural response is to close my fist tightly around the egg. My brain tells me that in holding on tighter, with more control, I can control the raw egg. But what happens when I do this? The raw egg oozes through my fingers, and drips out of my hand. If, however, I open my hand, and relinquish some control, I will be able to hold the raw egg with much greater success.
How does this apply to my relationship with food?
When we develop food fears, we start to avoid certain foods, or food groups. It does not feel good to be afraid, or feel anxious, or guilt, so we will do anything possible to avoid those feelings. This is our way of trying to get back in control of the difficult feelings that are experienced. So we put in rules, parameters, habits to "keep safe" around scary foods. Again, this makes sense, doesn't it?
The problem is that this is a paradox, or a "trap".
The more rules and rituals we put in place, the less control we actually have. The semblance of control actually feeds the fear, making us more determined to feel safe, which makes us grasp "control" even more... and so the cycle begins.
Letting go IS possible.
Recovery from fear is plausible.
Restoring trust in yourself can happen.
Improving your relationship with food, to live a life free from limitation is such a worthwhile goal.
If this sounds like your relationship with food, I encourage you to seek support.